T13: Thirteen Things Every New Mother Needs

You know, there are a plethora of baby novelty-things-you-need-for-your-child manufacturers out there, all trying to sell you the next big thing.  Some you need, some you think you need, and some are only useful for the cardboard box they come in.

Apart from a few basics (like clothes, bedding, feeding stuff, etc.), I think the things a new Mum needs are:

• The Cot/Crib
• A Diaper Bag
• A Baby Swing
• A Travel System Stroller
• A Foam Changing Pad you can move around
• An Infant Bathtub
• A Nasal Aspirator and Baby Fingernail Clippers (cut them after a feed)
• Toys

Forget those Exersaucers, all they do is encourage thigh strength and leg development, and before you know it, you’ve got a walker on your hands.  Believe me, it’s only cute the first time.  You don’t need half that paraphernalia they try to sell you.  Everything else is just fluff.  Here’s what you do need:

1.  A Bleach Pen to remove projectile vomit stains from your (white) clothes.  It’ll also whiten up vests/onesies stained with the ever popular blowout sessions.

2.  Magic Eraser.  Get rid of photo frame dark chip marks in your wall with this little beauty.  Also great for removing pen from walls.

3.  Baby Wipes.  If you have a boy, you’ll need these to wipe the directed urine off your face when you’re changing his bum.  These also remove lipstick from your shirt and yogurt from your carpet.  You’ll wonder how you ever lived without them.

4.  Resolve Triple Action Carpet Stain Remover Spray.  After removing the excess paint with a credit card, this is the only thing that removes deep violet-coloured acrylic stains from your 6-month old carpet.  Don’t ask.

5.  Which brings me to:  A Steam Vacuum.  Self-explanatory.

6.  Era Active Stain Fighting Formula.  Rub this in pre-wash.  Great at removing foundation, lipstick and grass stains from your shirts.  Again, don’t ask.

7.  Gorilla Glue.  Fixes your expensive Thomasville photo frames filled with your wedding photos right up.

8.  Masking Tape.  You’ll need this 8 days after you move into a brand new home that has no window blinds yet and your 2.5-year-old glides a Matchbox plane into his bedroom window at curveball speed.  This works until you get it repaired in the dead of winter for $107.

9.  Mylicon Gas Drops:  A sweet miracle in a bottle.

10.  A Dry Erase Marker.  Rub this over your new PC monitor screen that’s covered with black Sharpie, it’ll come right off.  Don’t believe me?  Go try it.  Yes, do it!

11.  Child Locks for Doors and Cupboards.  Forget safety, these will save you grief and headaches.  Pay particular attention to bathrooms and the pantry.

12.  Beanbags.  You’ll wonder what you ever did without one and your child will grow to love it like another appendage.

13.  You Tube.  Want to distract a crying baby or toddler and going outside to look at the moon isn’t cutting it?  Then search for ‘In the Night Garden episodes’.  Problem solved.  It may appear as though the producers of this children’s show have questionable extra-curricular activities, but your little one will love it.  And, it’s far less obnoxious than Smellytubbies.  It also has a catchy, adorable theme tune that will get stuck in your head for months.  You can thank me later.

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T13: My Thoughts From This Week

1. I can’t believe it’s September already, where did the time go?
2. I had no idea dogs/puppies could belch. Fart, yes. Belch? No clue.
3. I thought I would have been happier that Ian started Pre-school again this year, but I found myself moping around on Wednesday while he was gone. He goes Mon, Wed, Fri for 2½ hours – just enough time to get absolutely nothing accomplished.
4. I finally have a pair of contacts in that my eyes like. They’re called aspheric lenses and are great for people (like me) with slight astigmatisms. My eye doc wants $32 a box, so I phoned Costco; they’re a much more pleasant $13.99 a box. Guess where I’ll be going?
5. I’m itching to go back to Scotland. It’s been 5 months since I last saw my family. Let’s not forget it was 5 years previous to that that I was last there, but these few months suddenly feel like a lifetime.
6. I am loving having a 4-year-old but could do without the whining.
7. Why does WordPress remove my two-spaces-after-a-sentence and replace it with one?
8. I’m working towards building my ex-pat empire on bloglines. I love finding new ones, so if you know any out there that you love, send them to me (because you love me).
9. Cameron is getting quite verbose. Listen.
10. I am SO excited BBC America is showing a top prog from Britain – Gavin & Stacey. We saw a few episodes when we were there in March/April and totally loved it. I resigned myself to the fact that I may only get to see it on youtube, but then saw an clip for the first episode a few weeks ago, and scrambled to DVR all episodes before I forgot about it altogether. My little brother said, “it’s everyone’s favourite new show here, just like Father Ted and The Office used to be.” Excellent. I’m already loving it myself, even just after two episodes. It has been nominated for nine awards and won five. It’s on every Tuesday, check it out.
11. There’s nothing quite as cool than to hear the new Pre-school teacher say to you, “I LOVE your son! He’s my favourite [grin], he is so well behaved.” There’s 10 kids in the class and two teachers.
12. The morning frost needs to GO AWAY.
13. Toby (the dog) and I are becoming good friends. He’s totally crate trained, sits when he feels like it, will drop contraband if I approach him. And since today, also obeys the Come! command. Woohoo!