Scrolling Saturdays: A Post from the Past

The following post may give a better insight to me and my immigration background, it’s a huge trackback basically. I originally wrote it 08 Dec 2006.

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My hometown in Scotland

It was still dark on the 8th December 1999 when I left my tearful Mum behind standing outside our house and climbed in to the waiting taxi; two suitcases and a fairly large carry on in toe. Oh, and my ex-boyfriend. He was ‘ex’ at the time too. I had promised and reassured her that she would see me again in 3 months and not to worry about me. Little did I know at the time it would be a whopping 3 years before I would get to see her again. I was very discontented with some aspects of my life at the time. I had had a failed relationship with a man trying to be a boy, and that, in essence affected how I viewed other areas of my life. I felt like I needed a challenge, a change of scenery. I was tired of the 8-5 routine with the mundane life fluff mingled in-between.

I landed in San Francisco airport thoroughly jet-lagged and hoped that I could make it through the checkpoint convincingly. I had been there just 3 months previously on a 15-day trip and thought that might raise suspicion. After I got through, I met my friend and we travelled north to Sacramento and there I remained for the ensuing 10 months.

I quickly found out I couldn’t work and spent my days talking to a grey and white male cat and a calico female, interspersed with doing the laundry and other things to pass the time, which then became expected (with the I’m-keeping-you lecture suspended over my head). The more I did, the less I was appreciated for (follow the mantra: where much is given, much is required).

I had been in California for 3 months when I met Bryan on an online forum. We became friends instantly and chatted for as long as time would permit. Neither of us were looking for a relationship (are we ever?) and the truth be told, I was still being pestered by my ex-boyfriend (“I’ll talk to your step-dad to get your address, come get you and take you back to Scotland and marry you.” So romantic and non-appealing).

One evening near to the end of April, Bryan sent me an e-mail surprising me with his flight itinerary. We had talked about him coming to visit at some point, but I had no idea that he had actually booked everything. He was coming to meet me, and it was just weeks away. By nature, he’s a very cautious person and so his actions pleasantly surprised me. It surprised him too, as he had told me that he had never done anything spontaneous in his life.

We spent 3 great days together, our first date held at Six Flags. This impressed me no end, and any ‘great’ dates I had chalked up in the past to memory were quickly forgotten. He took me to dinner, bought me cheese (I was really liking him now), went to the Jelly Belly Factory and drove around U-turning more times than I cared to count. I didn’t mind anyway, even the silences weren’t uncomfortable, and it was easy to like him and enjoy his company.

The time together was gone in a flash and I was quickly hurtled back into reality; only this time, it wasn’t much of a reality, but more of a nightmare. I began noticing behaviours that I hadn’t seen before. My friend was dressing like me, her hair styled in the same cut and she watched me like a hawk if I happened to strike up a conversation with anyone within her line of sight or grill me if I was giving her less attention than she felt she deserved. It wasn’t long before I was uncomfortable with the arrangement, especially when she told me one evening that before she went to work she would open my bedroom door and watch me sleep. (I have 8 pages of more venting – and worse stories – still stored on my hard drive.)

I left that situation behind on 27th September 2000, headed for Utah and never looked back. If it hadn’t been for Bryan, I would have found the means to return home to Scotland. Just over 4 months later, Bryan proposed to me in downtown Salt Lake and we were married 3 months later.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 7 years now, and what was probably a hasty decision to leave Scotland at the time has turned out to be the best thing that I’ve ever done.

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Remember December

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy having birthdays now, there’s just something else bothering me about the whole ordeal.

When I turned 31 (I refused to accept that being 30 meant I was IN my 30s. It was, after all, my 30th year), I dreaded the descent into ancientism. ‘Arse, I’m getting decrepit. Birthdays are cool until you realise you’re getting older.’ It was my demise–or so I thought. Not to sound all Oprah-esque, but I definitely feel much more comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I know who I am, and what I want from life. I know what I like, what I don’t like; what to sweat and what to let go, what makes me happy and what is a complete waste of my time or energy. Or both.

Despite all the new fondness for life in the 30s – and I know many in the same predicament will agree with me on that point – there’s nothing like a birthday to make you miss your old Mum. Growing up for the majority of my impressionable years with a single-parent mother and my older brother, I clung to and relied upon her so much. Thinking back to how she raised us, I can’t help but feel prideful that she was my Mum, and a great one too. She taught me so many skills and talents–mainly from her quiet example. She passed on her perfectionism and fear of huge lorries (trucks) to me and I can also boast to having her sick, nay perverted(!) sense of humour. There’s nothing like a hug from your mother on your birthday and I’ll definitely be missing that.

Moving on 2 days to the 8th, that was the day I left Scotland, reassuring my tearful mum that she’d see me again in 3 months. Three years later, I arrived on her doorstep with my husband in tow. Oh, and by the way mum, this is my husband that I’ve been married to for 18 months that you’ve never met. Pleased to meet you. So where’s the Jaffa Cakes, Tikka Masala and Cornish Pasties?

Christmas is my most favourite of holidays. I love the lights, the music, the decorations, the smiles on kids’ faces and the smell of great home-cooked food. And yet another opportunity to bring your mind back to your family. I have my own family now and we’re making our own traditions and memories, but there’s something to be said about popping round to your wee mum’s for a visit at this commercialised family-orientated time of year.

*sigh* Being eight weeks early, I suppose I could have chosen ANY day… Why couldn’t my birthday be the 8th of December? All the cool people were born on that day. I know, I’m messed up.

Seventh Anniversary

It was still dark on the 8th December 1999 when I left my tearful Mum behind standing outside our house and climbed in to the waiting taxi; two suitcases and a fairly large carry on in toe.  Oh, and my ex-boyfriend.  He was ‘ex’ at the time too.  I had promised and reassured her that she would see me again in 3 months and not to worry about me.  Little did I know at the time it would be a whopping 3 years before I would get to see her again.

I was very discontented with some aspects of my life at the time.  I had had a failed relationship with a man trying to be a boy, and that, in essence affected how I viewed other areas of my life.  I felt like I needed a challenge, a change of scenery.  I was tired of the 8-5 routine with the mundane life fluff mingled in-between.

I landed in San Francisco airport thoroughly jet-lagged and hoped that I could make it through the checkpoint convincingly.  I had been there just 3 months previously on a 15-day trip and thought that might raise suspicion.  After I got through, I met my friend and we travelled north to Sacramento and there I remained for the ensuing 10 months.

I quickly found out I couldn’t work and spent my days talking to a grey and white male cat and a calico female, interspersed with doing the laundry and other things to pass the time, which then became expected (with the I’m-keeping-you lecture suspended over my head).  The more I did, the less I was appreciated for (follow the mantra: where much is given, much is required).

I had been in California for 3 months when I met Bryan on an online forum.  We became friends instantly and chatted for as long as time would permit.  Neither of us were looking for a relationship (are we ever?) and the truth be told, I was still being pestered by my ex-boyfriend (“I’ll talk to your step-dad to get your address, come get you and take you back to Scotland and marry you.”  So romantic and non-appealing).

One evening near to the end of April, Bryan sent me an e-mail surprising me with his flight itinerary. We had talked about him coming to visit at some point, but I had no idea that he had actually booked everything.  He was coming to meet me, and it was just weeks away.  By nature, he’s a very cautious person and so his actions pleasantly surprised me.  It surprised him too, as he had told me that he had never done anything spontaneous in his life.

We spent 3 great days together, our first date held at Six Flags.  This impressed me no end, and any ‘great’ dates I had chalked up in the past to memory were quickly forgotten.  He took me to dinner, bought me cheese (I was really liking him now), went to the Jelly Belly Factory and drove around U-turning more times than I cared to count.  I didn’t mind anyway, even the silences weren’t uncomfortable, and it was easy to like him and enjoy his company.

The time together was gone in a flash and I was quickly hurtled back into reality; only this time, it wasn’t much of a reality, but more of a nightmare.  I began noticing behaviours that I hadn’t seen before.  My friend was dressing like me, her hair styled in the same cut and she watched me like a hawk if I happened to strike up a conversation with anyone within her line of sight or grill me if I was giving her less attention than she felt she deserved.  It wasn’t long before I was uncomfortable with the arrangement, especially when she told me one evening that before she went to work she would open my bedroom door and watch me sleep.  (I have 8 pages of more venting – and worse stories – still stored on my hard drive.)

I left that situation behind on 27th September 2000, headed for Utah and never looked back.  If it hadn’t been for Bryan, I would have found the means to return home to Scotland.

Just over 4 months later, Bryan proposed to me in downtown Salt Lake and we were married 3 months later.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 7 years now, and what was probably a hasty decision to leave Scotland at the time has turned out to be the best thing that I’ve ever done.

My 101

1. Firstly and rather boringly … the name’s Siobhán – pronounced “Shi-Vawn”.

2. It’s Irish. To all those who’ve made this weird comment, I say no, I don’t think it’s weird to have an Irish name and I’m Scottish. Bryan’s name is Scottish and he’s American. So there.

3. I was born (and raised) in Scotland.

4. With a view overlooking an immense river.

5. I still miss it a lot.

6. I’m an INFJ.

7. I’m also a permanent resident.

8. I moved to the States on 08 Dec 1999.

9. I was coming over for six months for a change of scenery|bit of a challenge|I was in a rut.

6. It’s been a long six months. It’s been nine years. (For those who couldn’t be naffed counting)

7. I’m completely average: 5’5”, American shoe size 7½ (British 5).

8. I was born 8 weeks early.

9. I think that’s the last time I was so early for anything.

10. I’m a middle child, two brothers, one with 6 years on one side and 12 on the other.

11. I met my husband online.

12. He’s a microbiologist. He blinded me with science.

13. A fortune teller (I did it for a laugh) once told me I was a late bloomer.

14. I think I’m just beginning to find myself.

15. I’ve changed my outward appearance drastically over the past three years.

16. Maybe she was right about that.

17. I can be far too accommodating and get walked on.

18. I’m pretty patient.

19. It takes a lot to get me annoyed. But when I am, stand back.

20. I correct peoples’ spelling all the time. Mostly mentally.

21. I’m spiritual.

22. I can be stubborn.

23. I’m sometimes fickle.

24. I’m opinionated when I’m passionate about something.

25. I’m really sarcastic.

26. I’m shy. Honest.

27. I care about what people think of me.

28. I’m very loyal to my friends.

29. I get hurt easily.

30. I have a big heart.

31. I’m sentimental. Or maybe just mental.

32. I notice peoples’ eyes first, even if I’m not talking to them.

33. I really love Spring: The cool air, the new life.

34. I love silver/white gold/platinum jewellery.

35. My wedding ring is yellow gold, I don’t remember why.

36. I love wearing men’s socks.

37. I have come to appreciate alone time.

38. I’m very tactile.

39. It’s one reason I love hugs.

40. I’m a very private person.

41. I don’t wear a watch.

42. I love to travel.

43. I love being around young kids. Especially tweenies.

44. I have a soft spot for marines.

45. I love to design|draw|paint|sketch.

46. I need to do more of it.

47. I also love to cook from scratch, I find it very therapeutic.  And rewarding.

48. Meatloaf is one of my fave dishes to make.

49. I used to be scared gas cookers/stoves would blow up on me.

50. I now own one and would never go back to electric.

51. Spiders never bothered me till I came to the U.S.

52. I have a really varied music taste.

53. From Snow Patrol, U2 and Stevie Wonder to Michael Bublé, Maroon 5 and Gwen Stefani.

54. And everything in-between. Except country.

55. My guilty pleasure is disco.

56. I’ve never tried illegal drugs.

57. The oldest guy I dated was 16 years older than me.

58. I have four knuckle lines on my left pinky for some strange reason.

59. I love slide puzzles and riddles.

60. I’m a huge cheese fan.

61. I love banana milkshakes.

62. I hate pretzels.

63. I love curry; and spicy food in general.

64. I’m not supposed to eat spicy food. I have IBS.

65. I like football. The British kind.

66. And snooker.

67. I’ve never been to Blackpool.

68. Or Disneyland, World or EuroDisney.

69. I enjoy going to the dentist.

70. I love Coconut & Lime Verbena and Mango Mandarin body creams from Bath and Body Works.

71. I love the smell of leather.  And walking into a bakery.  I also love the smell of a newly bathed baby.

72.  I love lists, as long as they aren’t ‘To-do’ lists.

73. I wore a school uniform for 13 years of my life.  Shirt, tie, blazer — the works.  All schools, public or not in the UK have uniforms.  Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t have to decide what to wear every day.

74.  I really enjoy reading.  But don’t do it nearly as often as I’d like.

75.  My favourite flowers are Calla Lillies and gerbera daisies.

76. I think I had A.D.D. as a child.  I’ll never know, no one ever bothered to find out the “why’s”.

77. I used to want to be a policewoman in the UK.  I was one inch too short and didn’t have perfect eyesight.  I’d never do it here, it’s far too dangerous.

78. I was constantly mistaken for a boy as a child|tween.

79. I still have self-esteem issues.

80. I love beating my husband at air hockey and pool.  We’re also competitive with iPod Touch games like Fifteen.

81. I enjoy teaching myself something new.  Even if it’s something like new a game.  Like Backgammon

82.  I’m not much of a feminist.  I like that women can go out there and accomplish their dreams, but I’d much rather stay home with my children.

83.  Ever since my husband and I got married, I’ve always worried.  If he goes somewhere without me, I worry.  If he’s over 15 minutes late getting home from work, I worry something awful has happened.  My fears were realised a few months before we were married when he came home early from work one day saying he’d slid on black ice, stopped to help others who had rear ended each other and had to jump the concrete median to avoid an on-coming fast car as it barrelled towards him.  It hit right where he’d been standing.  My worrying is completely justified.

84.  I can’t stand freezing cold weather.  I don’t like anything above 80ºF either.  I need to move to the west coast.

85.  I’m such a perfectionist, but not for everything.  I’d rather not attempt something monumental, in fear of failing.  I’m more content to not try and wonder.  I wish I could break myself of it.  The kids have slapped the perfectionist out of me when it comes to the house though.

86. I wish I could swim stronger for longer.  If I ever make it into a pool again.

87. It bothers me when people try to imitate my accent.

88. I don’t think it’s endearing.

89. Sometimes I think I should have been a teacher, or a hair dresser.

90. I’m easily excitable.

91. If I’m comfortable around you I’ll talk your ear off.

92. I think the Redwoods (Yosemite Park area) in California is a pretty spiritual place.

93. In my opinion the best fake (American) Scottish accent was Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland. (Don’t mention Groundskeeper Willie in my presence!) Maggie Smith does the best fake Scottish (she’s English) accent ever.

94. I taught myself basic and advanced HTML.

95. I like a clean house. Toddlers are not conducive to this idealism.

96. I love penguins and zoos in general. I could spend hours there.

97. I love making people laugh.

98. I learned conversational Italian in 5 months.

99. I’m somewhat of a recovering Internet addict, but still spend far too much time online.

100. I also watch far too many reality shows, even though I don’t like them.

101. I just read through this and realised I’m a freak no one will ever want to know.

Things I Miss From the UK

• ten pence mixtures
• corner shops
• chips and gravy
• being able to walk somewhere
• sausage rolls
• the coast
• not having to spell my name (at least in the last 5 years BEFORE I left)
• bagpuss
• sausage supper
• slice aka square sausage
• any kind of sausage really
• safeway
• newsagents
• potato scones
• potato waffles
• hp brown sauce
• heinz soups
• cornish pasties
• the wombles
• wellies
• tizer
• tesco cheese aisle
• french fancies
• red amber green amber red
• crusty rolls
• bacon sarnie
• top 40 singles
• rain, sometimes
• no chance of watching someone run a red light
• knowing what the name of a cut of beef is
• teletext
• british tv
• jam doughnuts
• real hot cross buns
• singing a nursery rhyme without changing the words
• lilt
• “at the third stroke, the time sponsored by Accurist will be…”
• devonshire custard
• hearing people say Worcestershire properly

First Things First

Two hundred and eighty visitors, and only 4 people have anything to say?  I can’t believe that.  What’s wrong with you people?

Last week, I had the distinct pleasure of entering the local USCIS office on Thursday and I have to say, these past two experiences have been much more agreeable than in previous years.  I think part of the charm is due to the wonders and marvels of infopass, the online appointment-maker.  That way, when you turn up, half the state and their dog isn’t there with you.  I also must note that the lovely odor has now dissipated.  It felt like a cattle ranch in there, especially with the security officers yelling “sit down!” every five minutes.  Now the officers smile and greet you as you walk in the door and hold the door open as you exit.  But maybe they just wanted me because I’m so friggin’ hot. Yeah that’s it.  That and my amourous Scottish accent.  But I must also say that I was in and out of there in 12 minutes (and I was 5 minutes early), something unheard of in the very recent present.

So now I just have to sit back and wait for my new card to show up and I won’t have to bother with them for a long, long time.  Ahhh, lovely.  For those of you not familiar with the wonders of the division of Homeland Security, your life is empty and void of stress and frustration.  I now urge you to leave your country of origin (for no good reason, as I did) and become an ex-pat and start the process.