There has been silence here. Dust has settled and I have been very sporadic in my visits to others (blog-wise). One of my reasons was March. I couldn’t face it at all. It was when we left for Scotland a year ago, and I have been pining for it off and on ever since. I didn’t think I would miss the familiarity of it since I have become so embedded here.
But I do.
Part of it is my Gran though. But if I go back she won’t be there anyway. Yet another reason March was tough to handle. It gave me my perspective on life though. I felt like I had become so consumed in making sure I was caught up on others’ lives that I had come to love so dearly, that I was ignoring my real life going on right in front of me.
But how do you say goodbye to something you have been doing diligently for 4 years? You can’t.
I love writing. I think about each word I use, and, as a result, some posts have seriously taken a lot of of me. Blogging and keeping up with the likes isn’t easy. I’m definitely not turning my back on it. I just need/needed to refocus. I should have left a note. I should have called. I should have done something!
And strangely, my husband has missed my writing. Once, when I was still actively blogging, he even remarked, “I see less of you, but so much more of you.” But even with the prodding, all I could think about was how I felt compelled to blog, but not because I wanted to, because I felt I had to, and that’s when I realised I had come to the point of doing it for the wrong reasons.
But something else has taken my attention a little. Something little just now, and maybe not so little in the future.
I have been staring at a family photo on our entryway wall, and much like a scene from Back to the Future, I felt like someone was missing. If I’m being honest, I’ve felt that way for almost a year, right before we bought the Dodge Caravan (the ’92 Ford Explorer was such a money pit anyway, but still).
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and doing very well. My to-be-determined little one is due the last week of October, which, if I am completely honest, feels like a lifetime away. But. But! This is the first pregnancy where I can actually say I am having the baby the same year!
So, although life isn’t different, it is just a little.