A Voice From the Dust

There has been silence here.  Dust has settled and I have been very sporadic in my visits to others (blog-wise).  One of my reasons was March.  I couldn’t face it at all.  It was when we left for Scotland a year ago, and I have been pining for it off and on ever since.  I didn’t think I would miss the familiarity of it since I have become so embedded here.

But I do.

Part of it is my Gran though.  But if I go back she won’t be there anyway.  Yet another reason March was tough to handle.  It gave me my perspective on life though.  I felt like I had become so consumed in making sure I was caught up on others’ lives that I had come to love so dearly, that I was ignoring my real life going on right in front of me.

But how do you say goodbye to something you have been doing diligently for 4 years?  You can’t.

I love writing.  I think about each word I use, and, as a result, some posts have seriously taken a lot of of me.  Blogging and keeping up with the likes isn’t easy.  I’m definitely not turning my back on it.  I just need/needed to refocus.  I should have left a note.  I should have called.  I should have done something!

And strangely, my husband has missed my writing.  Once, when I was still actively blogging, he even remarked, “I see less of you, but so much more of you.”  But even with the prodding, all I could think about was how I felt compelled to blog, but not because I wanted to,  because I felt I had to, and that’s when I realised I had come to the point of doing it for the wrong reasons.

But something else has taken my attention a little.  Something little just now, and maybe not so little in the future.

I have been staring at a family photo on our entryway wall, and much like a scene from Back to the Future, I felt like someone was missing.  If I’m being honest, I’ve felt that way for almost a year, right before we bought the Dodge Caravan (the ’92 Ford Explorer was such a money pit anyway, but still).

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and doing very well.  My to-be-determined little one is due the last week of October, which, if I am completely honest, feels like a lifetime away.  But.  But!  This is the first pregnancy where I can actually say I am having the baby the same year!

So, although life isn’t different, it is just a little.

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There’s Always a First For Everything

Last night I did something I’ve never done before.  I didn’t snowboard, crochet or sky dive; I didn’t even ride a helicopter.  I met another blogger.  Another expat-from-Scotland blogger.

I had been excited for weeks and when it came down to it, I was surprisingly shy.  It’s like, you get to know someone through their written brain thoughts, and when you’re suddenly sitting in front of them, watching their mannerisms and facial expressions you notice from photographs, there’s suddenly no room for words.

She was just like I had imagined: sweet, funny, sarcastic and very personable.  I only wish we didn’t live a state apart.  It was hard for me to leave.  But shhh! Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll get a big heid.

After we left their place we stopped by Subway.  I have never seen a Subway like this one.  It almost resembled a drive thru bank.  It had a huge wide drive up window, a bank audio system and a Subway girl with a headset.  The most eyebrow raising aspect for me was one smaller window filled to the gills with notices:

A Lifetime in 6 Months

It’s amazing to me how much has transpired since Cameron turned one year old in January. I was physically exhausted after writing this letter to him. I’d found out the condition of my Gran had worsened and posted this – another drainer.

We made the decision to go to Scotland together as a family to see her in March, she passed while we were there and then I wrote this and this.

You’d never know I generally seep in sarcasm after reading those. Everybody takes you seriously when you have a lilting accent, though. Something about not hearing the different sarcastic inflection. Kiss my kilt. It’s draining the sarcastic life out of me.

So, I decided since Cameron was turning 18 months old today, I was going to capture some shots of him and Ian together. It turned out well. As well as a mother could hope. Now I know why they say never to work with children or animals. Or animal children. (Click on any of the images to enlarge.)

I get them in position, and then they spot a farmer on his humongous tractor 16 miles away. OK, it was about half an acre behind our place, but still…

I birth a brain child and heave their bench from the porch onto the lawn. Too bad they’re too busy TALKING to pay attention to me. Their mother.

Almost a shot. Too bad they’re both looking the wrong way. What’s over there, you say? Nothing. A rogue twig, probably.

Ian tries to steal a kiss, holding on to Cameron with the double hand death grip.

An escapee chases a bloody butterfly. However, I am still oozing the patience of a saint.

I manage to get Ian back on the bench, doing some sort of Playgirl move. Too bad his shoes are on backwards…

Yes, he’s a freakin comedian. I’m laughing too. Can you hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME??!!

I fake sneeze to get Cameron to laugh. It backfired when Ian started doing it too.

Granted, they’re still sitting together, but then Ian starts body slamming him because I kept telling him to move back beside Cameron. Cameron then curses at him in his own language. Ian looks on, obviously indifferent to the insults being fired at him.

I give up. This one’ll do.

I took this the night before. His first shot on a swing.

I get no respect. Check out his new growler face.

I get Ian in a prime spot and have him wait for Cameron. He was a no-show.

I’ll leave it to the professionals next time, they get paid to be miserable. In the meantime, I have some SERIOUS blackmail fodder for when they’re both teenagers. This is me with baited breath.

T13: Thirteen Things I Have Learned from Blogging

The end of June is my 3rd blogversary (so they say). Here are some things I’ve learned from airing my dirty laundry for all and sundry since 2005:

1. There are many blogging platforms, niches and types: Human interest bloggers, photo bloggers, diary/photo bloggers and inside-ma-heid bloggers, to name a few. I’m the latter.

2. Writing is very cathartic. (Reading others’ is just as cathartic.)

3. It’s easier to write and be read when people you’re not close to are reading along with you.

4. Which brings me to: People you’d rather not read your blog will find it. That’s all I’m saying.

5. Lurkers are friendly. Lurkers come in the blogger and the non-blogger variety. I lurk all over the place. Mainly because I have comment envy. There, I said it. Sod off.

6. a) When you write from the heart and are completely honest, it’s akin to people riffling through your underwear drawer when you’re holding an Open House and you’re not fully fenced, but very worth it. See No. 2

b) Write like no’one else is reading. Even if they’re not.

7. You can be precisely vague and still get a point across.

8. It doesn’t really matter if you conceal names, people still find out about you.

9. If you don’t feel like writing, then you probably should. I learned this one too late. Introspective introvert traits…

10. Your blog design can have a huge impact on your readers. I’d love to change mine…

11. Post often.

12. You don’t need to know HTML, but it helps.

13. It takes a lot of time, dedication and effort. And even when you think you’re done for, there’s always something to blog about. Blogging gimmicks are worth it just for this reason alone: Wordless Wednesday, T13, Haiku Friday, Photo Hunt, Weekly Winners…to name a few.  Post-dating your blog entries is a sweet miracle.

Still Here, Somewhere

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat here staring at this screen wondering when (and if) to start. Yesterday I was ready to say I’m all done with blogging, but definitely not blog walking. It’s not that I have nothing to write about or nothing to say – I suppose I’ve just lost the will to blog. I can FIND time, don’t get me wrong, I’m not without some me time here…

Spaces has been such a great platform for me, I taught myself how to read and use HTML and I dabbled in design again for the first time since…well, forever.

Maybe I just need a bit more time to think about it. I don’t really want to give up on it all just now.

My two clones