Nothing for days and then I sneak in on the eleventh hour with this. Where have I been? Right here. No, really. I took a life vacation on Friday. I did absolutely nothing until two in the afternoon. My husband took care of the boys and I lazed around on my bed still in my jim-jams watching TV and slacking right off. It felt great, but if I’m completely honest, I didn’t.
It’s not depression, it’s really not. I think it’s definitely my hormones though, and let me just say this: I am dying to know if it is hypothyroidism so I can finally put an end to it and give it a name. I’m tired of still losing hair after almost two years, feeling on edge for no reason with a pit in my stomach ready to snap at any moment. And Aunt Flo? She hasn’t been on time any month this year. I was Day 29 On. The. Dot. Without fail. They’d set bus schedules by my cycles I was that consistent. And now? Now I am anywhere between 5-16 days late every time, and usually closer to the latter. In fact, I completely skipped August I was so late. I have it all charted thanks to a sweet website and all I have to do is print it out. I sleep the requisite eight hours and awake feeling groggy, disheveled and completely unrested. It’s not every day, and that’s the clincher. I don’t wake up every day feeling like I’ve been beat up with a baseball bat ready to bite anyone’s head off, feeling frustrated by my own inability to fix it and wishing I could go back to feeling like the person I really am. I feel like I’ve lost myself and I want that peace in my life again. The good news is, I have an appointment for the 28th to see what’s going on. I’m excited and terrified at the same time. What if nothing’s wrong? What then?
For the past three days I’ve sat at the laptop with words swirling in my head, posts I haven’t written but things that have been in the forefront of my mind — all on various topics. I couldn’t do it. I just sat and stared feeling defeated, indifferent and … empty if I’m being honest. I didn’t feel like being chatty.
Today wasn’t one of those days, we drove to the local mall (remember? forty-five minutes away) picked up Bryan’s new glasses — no thanks to Cameron who got a hold of his old ones and redesigned them, finally picked up my new contacts (yep, he just barely OK’d the fitting after almost three months) and bought another black shirt. Go here if you don’t know about the Great Black Blouse Debacle. After searching through many different stores just to make sure I had found the blouse I loved, I was ready to buy this one at Macy’s — a lot more than I’ve spent on a blouse in the past, but it was for a worthy cause: my self esteem.
Last week in my search, I had walked in many stores I’d never set foot in before and others very rarely. American Eagle Outfitters had nothing dressy at all, Eddie Bauer’s blouses were too plain for the price. I breezed through JC Penney just to amuse myself and came out empty handed but not disappointed. When I slinked into Abercrombie & Fitch for the first time trying to go unnoticed by the scoffing angst-ridden post-teenager types, I suddenly felt a cloak of creepiness sweep over me. There was barely anyone else in the store, but as I walked past the dimly lit racks and shelving, I couldn’t help but feel like I had just been groped on the sly. I walked out with my upper lip curled and in need of a shower. And — they had nothing to boot either.
And, although I do give them props for their empathetic, humourous nature, CHICO’S had one drapey top that was more of a shiny thin t-shirt, beyond plain and on sale for $50. I by-passed Coldwater Creek, Rave and Vanity and then pretty much gave up on finding a different blouse and trailed myself off to Target for some life essentials.
Now, if you’ve never done this, I highly recommend it. Throwing small children into the mix adds a new level of stress and competitiveness to any excursion. Shopping with a four-year-old and a twenty-one-month-old requires precision swooping, an in-get-what-you-need-and-get-out mentality and a lot of creativity. Today as I stood in LensCrafters on the sidelines as Bryan had his new specs fitted, clutching Cameron to my hip for dear life and trying on glasses to amuse him and myself for that matter — I really should get a photo of me in specs, I was channelling the sexy librarian look in a pair of Anne Klein lovelies — he wriggled out of my grasp using the dead fish technique and darted out the store and ran next door. Next door to Maurice’s. I had never been in Maurice’s. Never ever. As I stood up from my running-crouch position in the middle of the shop, I suddenly felt like a happy meercat in merchandise heaven. As soon as I had blurted out the words ” funky black shirt” I was whisked to the dressing room with a black version of a white one I had been eyeballing.
“Hello new best friend!” I said peering down at the shirt and smiling to the assistant. It was a great fit! I could have been best friends with this girl. She encouraged my sense of humour and so I kept the one-liners coming as she laughed and chortled in my general direction. I walked out with shirt number two and a new sense of accomplishment.
Shirt number one: Target, and a steal at $14.99. Shirt number two: Maurice’s, and $26 even.
Ignore the white legs — now that I’ve pointed them out.
It’s not just plain in the front. I heard the words “puppies”, “blanket” and “boob shirt.” For all that is sweet and holy! Is she wearing a bra? Yes. The girls may be the requisite half-way between elbow and shoulder, but, my dear friends, it looks like it’s time for a new bra.
Don’t adjust your monitors, folks.
That’s our neighbour’s yard in the background, so no talking smack about our lack of horticultural skills.
Note, if you will, the new snazzy hair cut.
It’s a close up of the details, the DETAILS.
I think I’ve picked my favourite but I wanted to run it by my friends first. So after I did that, I posted it here. Just kidding! I’m leaning towards the Maurice’s shirt with the ruffles. What do you think? I’m still not set on the shoes though.
I’m sad! Unfortunately, no-one suggested Maurice’s. But! I did scan through each and every store everybody mentioned and took every suggestion seriously, so, a HUGE thanks for that. Joyce-Anne did mention Macy’s, but since I had forgotten it wasn’t located in the mall like my memory thought and was miles away, I tried to expand my options with what was closest until I went online and bought it. So … I guess I’ll have to hoard that $25 gift card to myself. Until next time … nudge nudge. In the meantime, I’ll be shopping at Maurice’s from now on. Goodbye Old Navy, you big arse biscuit.
I like puppies…
Oh, the second shirt is perfect and looks lovely on you!
Although really, that outfit doesn’t really scream bridesmaid, but eh, whatever floats the bride’s boat, right?
And I hope you are able to get a good diagnosis and can be treated soon so that you feel better. I’m totally pissed about my depression cause it prevented something I’m really wanting (I’ll email you about it, just remind me to).
That shirt is grogeous, and the skirt… Amazing look.
I am glad you found the black shirt/s. But I still feel bad I slagged off the skirt material……
I’m going to behave myself … Lovely blouse, great skirt. close up of the DETAILS was very … uh … attractive. Ahem.
What is the water the past few days? And, I’m not sure I should be reading this post. 😉
I like the one with the ruffles. It’s tailored enough to give you shape and would also look VERY cute paired with some jeans.
Oh and I sympathize with you on the Dr. visit…the knowing vs not knowing. I’m going through something right now too and we’re not leaning toward hypothyroidism, but maybe endometriosis or PCOS. I’m just so scared that I’m “broken” and would like to know one way or the other so that I can know how to “fix” it. Good luck to you.
Both shirts are lovely. Makes me want to take a trip to Target and see what they’ve got waiting for me….
I just typed a new comment 3 times… ugh I wonder if I’ll get the hang of typepad…
First of all – the ruffled shirt is the bestest. It is classy, cute, and stylish.
Second, I am surprised that you typed what you did. Only because I have been experiencing the same things since March. With my cycle, I was always every 28 days, but since march, it’s been at least 40 days -usually more. I’ve had 2 since june. TWO. I haven’t felt myself this year and I couldn’t nail it down as depression, it’s just different… so I started seeing a therapist in July. It’s helped, but I still feel “off” physically. I haven’t had bloodwork done, and now I’m thinking, DUH, dummy. Why not? Because I already know they wont find anything wrong with me. Then I’ll have it confirmed that I’m just loopers…
Bryan, I love cake. And puppies….
the ruffled shirt is my favorite, and your hair looks great! hope you can get to the bottom of what’s bothering you and feel back to yourself again soon!
You know what, S? You are truly beautiful. I mean that. You really are. You just point and post pictures of yourself, whereas I rarely get in any for the yuck factor.
I like the 2nd one, too.
Also? The skirt is still fugly in the worst way.
Damn! Did I miss that post? I would have TOTALLY suggested Maurices. It is my favorite place to shop for clothes (other than The Limited). I feel like I could buy every single piece of clothing in that store. Love it! Every time I’m in a jam for a party or event I go there.
I love the second shirt. It definitely is very flattering on you. And I love the funky haircut!
Oh yeah. And good luck on the doctor’s appointment. Keep us posted!
How many puppies is that you have now? :-p
I bloody love the 2nd one. Victoria’s Secret was selling a blouse like that a while ago that I really really, very badly wanted – check out VS online (whilst you’re scoping out a brassiere), they do sell actual clothes and I love a lot of them.
I also love your hair. I’ll hook you up with some hair candy when you visit 🙂
I think the puppies look much happier in the second shirt.
K–you look GREAT in both of them…you jerk…I’m totally envious of your body type (your boobs are perky they look fine…I did zoom in to make sure…and to see if you had a flaw) and you haircut is so MODERN…I LOVE IT! I’m not just saying that…I’m not that type of person…you REALLY do look great!
You can’t help the paleness…either can I…whattya do?
I’m sorry about the hair loss (you can’t tell BTW) and they not knowing what’s going on…I’m going to keep you in our prayers…if it IS something serious…that it isn’t TOO serious…ya know! 🙂
Maybe it’s where you live? Maybe your body is just missing your homeland?
I mean…I’m missing it…even though I never lived there, my ancestors are from a BIG Scotish clan…and I forget the name right now…so that makes us practically CLAN sisters…and so I feel ya with the Home SICKNESS! 🙂
Yes, definitely like the 2nd blouse best Sorry about the skirt — maybe you could liven is up with some kick ass black patent knee high boots? We don’t have a Maurice’s here — never heard of it! BTW, I would have suggested Ann Taylor Loft had I seen the original post!!
You’re way too young for Chico’s even tho’ they have some very jolly colours.
Prefer the ruffled blouse, and it’ll go with a lot of stuff.
Hope you get a diagnosis, but with two young ‘uns, you could be just run down. Have them look at your white cell count (or whatever it’s called.) I had that years ago when they thought I had mono/glandular fever. Turns out my white bood cell count was very low. Or you could need iron and zinc? Don’t worry about it tho’.
Your shirts are great! I’m impressed it’s still warm enough for you to wear short-sleeved shirts – I stopped wearing mine about a month ago.
Definitely the blouse with the ruffles! It’s cute! And very nice haircut! I need to decide on a new one for winter.. I’ll probably just get buzz cut like usual!!LOL Hope you get a diagnosis and feel better! I know how that is. And thyroid hormone does make it all better..
I’m sad I don’t get the gift card. But, that’s ok. I honestly think you deserve it! Anyway, my choice would be the blouse with the ruffles–it’s more flattering on you. 🙂
You are so darling! I am absolutely in love with that ruffled shirt! It is perfection and it definitely compliments that girls 🙂
Love that skirt, too!!! Maurice’s is fab.
Oh I love the Maurices shirt 🙂 Thanks for the suggestion on my site about Maurices, I buy clothes there whenever I’m near a store. For some odd reason the bigwigs of Maurices don’t think Colorado Springs could sustain a store—uh, duh. So when in the right location throughout Denver or back home I always cruise by 🙂
I stayed away from your blog for a while. I was too afraid to look and see if you would post another picture of the skirt. I dreaded it. But then I said to myself, “Self, Siobhan is gorgeous. She can make any horrid pattern look good.”
And I must say, with the second shirt, you certainly pull it off. The demure, yet flirty ruffles actually do distract one from the fact that from the waist down, you look like the sole survivor of an explosion in a poppy factory.