Conspiracy Theory

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Like I’ve said before, every aspect of your life as an ex-pat is revolutionised.  Things you’ve grown up with and taken for granted are suddenly gone and you’re left standing staring at shelves in the supermarket wondering what Miracle Whip and Cool Whip is, and trying not to confuse the two in random conversations.

You troll stores searching for products and names you recognise and even look at labels looking for the company name where you realise Schick and Wilkinson’s Sword are actually one and the same; or noticing that Lenor and Downy are the same company, even though Snuggle has the Orange Rush scent that smells just like Lenor’s Sunshine scent that your Mum uses.

I had retail stores in Glasgow and my hometown that I loved to browse and shop in.  I found my niche and stuck with it.  When I got here, there were only a few clothing places that  I recognised, one being T.J. Maxx — except is called T.K. Maxx over there.  I have no idea why.  And I really wish we had an H&M in Montana, I love that place.  So, it has been hard starting from scratch, shopping in places you have no historical loyalty to and learning where to go and where avoid.

I need help.

If you just said, “we already knew that, that’s nothing new…” shut your dirty mouth!

Before I start, let me just say I love weddings.  I get dazzled by the flowers, decorations, lights, music and the amazing ambiance.  I’m one of those people that totally gets swept up in the moment and enjoys the atmosphere.  And, it’s great to see two people who really love each other making a lifelong commitment of love, companionship and devotion to each other.  Although I have to say, there seems to be an unwritten rule somewhere for brides that says 40% of them have to wrangle bridesmaids or attendants into making them wear something they normally wouldn’t take a second glance at.

And before you start just so you know, I never had any bridesmaids…

As happy as I am that my little BIL is getting married in November and that he’s found the love of his life, I can’t get over the skirt I’ll be prancing around in.  Well, me and at the very least, another four of us.  There are more, I just have no idea how many.  Now, I can live with the pattern.  After staring at it for two hours, I can live with it.  What I would have really liked is a wrap-over skirt — they’re easy to make and very flattering.  What we have is a slightly A-line skirt with a heavily elasticated waist with six small pin tucks to make it slightly flouncy.  Couple that with a calf-length hem that is just over an inch too short to be calf length and you have my living nightmare.

I know it’s not my wedding and I don’t get to decide, but still, how many body types do you know that an elasticated waist will flatter?  My friends Stacey and Clinton tell me “none” and “the computer says ‘no’.”

I’m really excited that we all get to pick a black blouse.  It doesn’t matter what it looks like, it just has to be black.  And wouldn’t you know it, I don’t own a black blouse.  The only constraint I have is I want to keep the price tag $50 or under.  So far, I have been unsuccessful in locating an amazing blouse.  Given my duration  here, I will say that I used to have places here that were my ‘go to’ for clothes, and without naming any names, their quality has went down, and their prices up.

So this is where I am hoping you lot will help me out.  Have you seen an amazing blouse that you love?  Do you own said blouse, and per chance, where can I buy it?  Do you hit nearby clothing stores (that I don’t have frequent access to) and have seen a blouse or could look out for one?

Now, this isn’t just a hollow, unrequited request.  Find me a great one that I purchase and I’ll send you a $25 gift card to the store of your choosing…

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