Oh! de Toilette

You know, for the most part Cameron has been an easy toddler.  He hasn’t eaten dulcosate sodium capsules, flung cinnamon all over my floor, or drawn all over my new monitor with a black Sharpie (I got it off, it was easy – thanks Google).  He hasn’t even drank childrens’ ibuprofen when I turned my back for two seconds, redistributed potting soil all over my floors, table, chairs and carpet 6 feet away, repainted over a newly painted wall (in a different colour), and I haven’t had to call Poison Control three times — actually, not even once.

[read: Ian did all that.]

But right now, my second and youngest son has barricaded himself in the bathroom next to his room.  I’d like to find the person who thought placing a sink with cabinet adjacent to a bathroom door was a great idea and thank him/her.  He got in there, promptly shut the door and opened the top drawer.  From my location in the kitchen, I could hear him playing with the toilet water and a plunger (always a great discovery).  I walked over to retreive him and salvage my bathroom floor only to be thwarted in my attempts to gain entry.  Ladies and gentlemen, the door opens a whole half an inch.  I knelt on the floor, calling out incentives to coax him out of his euphoria.

“Cameron?  Do you want to go outside?”
I got the usual “Ehm!” — his nodding yes.
“Cameron, Mummy’s leaving, bye!”
“Wait’ch!  Wait’ch!”
“Cameron, do you want a num-num?”  (An icepole/otterpop, we don’t have any left, I’m such a liar.)
Another “Ehm!”
“Cameron, come see!  IT’S A HUGE FISH!”
“Cameron, shut the drawer” I said, pleadingly.  “Mama stuck!  Look.  Stuck!” I call out, as I slam the door repeatedly against the drawer.

The little blighter giggled.

“Ian, I can’t get the door open, he’s stuck in there…” I said exasperated, hoping for compassion or an idea.
“And he’ll be in there forever and we’ll never get him out!” he responded, sounding dejected.
“I can’t even fit food under the door…” I said, half joking, trying to dispel my fears of him falling into the open toilet face first.

“Cameron?!  Ian has to go potty!  Open the door!”
“No I don’t, I just went, mama!”
“Shush, it’s a joke so he’ll open the door!”

Ian’s little friend from across the street is no comfort either, all he can do to answer my explanations and door demonstrations is talk in fluent Russian.  Heaven help me.  And to make matters worse, the dog is yipping a hole in my left eardrum and there’s a distinct smell of poop coming from the bathroom.

So my friends, if you don’t see me for a while, I’m either hacksawing a door to pieces or squeezing my way through a chihuahua-sized window twenty feet from the grass.

Whoever said being a stay-at-home mum was dull?

*  *  *  *  *

UPDATE:  After 20 full minutes of pleading and coaxing, I gave up and walked away scrambling for inspiration.  Just at that moment, he closed the drawer and opened the door.  I ran over, saw the devastation, and promptly closed and locked the door behind him.


20 responses to “Oh! de Toilette

  1. oooh, this sounds like a fun afternoon……

  2. Oh dear god! If I ever have more than one boy I will send myself to crazy house. They keep you hopping that’s for sure. I hope you got in there before he tore into the makeup and shampoo.

  3. Oh my goodness! I hope you’re in your workshop right now, trying to construct some kind of tool with which you can close that drawer from the outside of the bathroom…

    (the story was funny though, once you updated that he got out safe and sound. 🙂 )

  4. I am glad he is okay and so are you. This make me very glad that all the hinges of our doors are on the outside. Once our son locked himself in his room. We had to eventually removed the pegs in the hinges and remove the entire door to get to him.

  5. I would put one of those child protection latches on the drawer.

  6. A W E S O M E…. I wish you had me on speed-dial so we could tell each other crazy stories and say “good times… good times..”

    I absolute love and adore the picture of you up there to the right … GORGEOUS!!!!

  7. nothing brings more adventure into your life than children. they’re so curious, creative, and uninhibited! it can be a bit exasperating and hair-raising at times, but hold on to your sense of humor – you’ll laugh about it all some day!

  8. Oh, you poor woman. Our husbands have no idea what we really go through being stay-at-home moms. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to go back to an office job and hire a babysitter. But, then I come to my senses and would change anything. I love my children (I have 3, the youngest is 22 months old.)

  9. Oh thank goodness he came out! What was all the destruction though????? 😮

  10. Oh man…it is clearly an all’s well that ends well story and a funny one at that.

    My Dad told me a story once about me, at age 5, standing inside the bathroom sink with soap all over my face and his straight edged razor in my hand. That one was an all’s well story too. But yikes.

  11. Oh dear. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

  12. Oh my!

    Perhaps a wet/dry vac? 😦

    Hang in there.

  13. Duct tape or a mild sedative.

    Or both.

  14. Too funny! After the fact, of course. *ahem*
    I bet the house builders never ONCE thought of this little happenstance when they put together that bathroom. To truly test out anything… add in a toddler!!

  15. Okay…I know it’s not funny…but I laughed through the whole post! Been there done that! 🙂

  16. My little one does that in our laundry room! He can pull open the drawers in there and “lock” himself in! Eeeeeh!

  17. Oh my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. Little stinker.

  18. Did you get to rant profanity in Gaelic at least? Cause I’ve always wanted to be cussed out in it. How did the cleaning go? Did you survive?

  19. First of all I feel I must apologize for laughing out loud…sorry.

    Second, I remember once when I was probably about 13 or 14 and baby-sitting my two little neices (one was about 3, the other an infant). The 3 year old locked herself in the bathroom (but by pushing the button on the doorknob) and then tried to do the “grown-up” thing and wash her hands. However, with soap and water on her hands, could not turn the knob enough to get the door to unlock. Meanwhile, the baby is screaming and I can’t find anything that will fit into that little “unlock” hole on the outside of the knob. I’ll never forget my neice saying she couldn’t get out because “my hands are juicy!” After explaining to her how to wipe her hands off, she was finally able to open the door…and all was well by the time my sister got home…

    …so my laughing out loud was a bit from a “been-there-done-that” moment…

  20. Don’t you just hate that rising panic in the back of your throat?? I would figure a way to make it childproof!! I had all the hinges put on the outside of the doors… lol I’d start with duct taping that drawer shut!! Hope your nerves have recovered..

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