Bring Me Your Junk

Of all the things I actually craved about being back in the UK, it had to be stuffing my face with nonsense: Auld’s (legendary) Fudge Doughnuts, sausage rolls, curry, and of course, most things deep fried. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’ve come back a “Lardass”, and by rights I really should have. There weren’t many meals (and non-meals) I ate that were hitting every nutritional requirement, if, indeed at all.

It was great.

It’s amazing how tasting something we haven’t been able to enjoy in a while gives us comfort. Imagine my horror as I chewed my way through a Pot Noodle, only to discover
they’d taken all the bad crap out of it–it was almost healthy!  It was horrible!  And, as I drowned it with a tall, cold glass of Tizer, I almost sprayed that all over the adjacent wall. “No artificial colours or preservatives??!!” What are they trying to do to me? Prolong my life?” It was reduced to red-coloured Sprite, instead of the fruit-flavoured, bright red drink full of hallucinogenic E numbers we’d all grown to love and become accustomed to.

To make matters worse, organic food was the same price as non. Keep things up like this and the UK’ll be getting a good name for itself.


20 responses to “Bring Me Your Junk

  1. it’s hard for to me to even imagine most of the foods you mention – pot noodles? sausage rolls? tizer? but an auld’s fudge donut sounds tempting!

  2. You know what’s funny? You’ve mentioned curry several times, and never have I ever thought “curry” when I’ve thought about Scotland. Very interesting. And you’ve made me want curry now!

  3. My husband lived in England when he was a teen (his Air Force dad was at Bentwaters) and he talks about the chocolates he used to get. All the foods you mentioned sound wonderfully sinful… too bad they tried to make them healthy.

  4. Eh, did you see Smarties? I was horrified when I saw them. The colouring is all natural so it’s not bright but pale and weird. They way I think of it is they’re not coloured with poster paint anymore but fancy water colour paint. Maybe someone on Water Colour Challenge did something to them. Meh!

  5. Awww, your post makes me crave a cheese and onion pasty right now! It’s been over 3 years since I was back and I’m getting ver homesick.

  6. PS. A lot of memories came back for me when I was drinking a big glass of Barr’s Red Kola. I didn’t have Tizer.

  7. Bridget: There is a huge Pakistani and Indian population there. The UK actually has more Indian restaurants per capita than India, and from what I’m told, the curry dishes in Blighty are as good as getting them there. You could say curries are the Mexican food of Britain.

  8. I’m friggin’ starving now!!!

  9. I had my first curry while on the London trip and it was GREAT. I had a lamb curry that was REALLY good (and hot) and a milder chicken curry that I didn’t like as much as the lamb. Funny. I had to go to England to discover that I like curry.

  10. lmao!! hilarity. i don’t know why everything has to get all trans-fat free. lean cuisine pizza is beginning to taste like cardboard. blech. more trans fat please.

  11. Hi, new here….I want to know what a Tizer is…must try!

  12. You and I are on the same page when it comes to food, Siobhan. I’d rather have just a bit of real live full-fat–and full-flavored–stuff than a plate full of anything “lite.” It wouldn’t be comfort food otherwise.

    According to an article in the Chicago Tribune, British chefs are currently some of the best in the world. I don’t remember who was on their list (except my idol Nigella Lawson), but I think that Gordon Ramsay must have been. Isn’t he from Glasgow originally? (Love his BBC show)! So the UK has already made quite a culinary name for itself.

    Also, have you ever had a “flapjack?” We Yanks always think that’s a pancake, but in London, they were like big, soft, chewy granola-bars. OK…enough talk about food…

  13. Oh goodness those sound yummy. I’m for healthy stuff when needed, but don’t get rid of the good taste for freaks sake!!!

  14. I have no idea what any of it is….but I want some 🙂 Fudge donuts, deep fried anything….I’m all over it! Oh how I wish organic and non were the same price here.

  15. anglophilefootballfanatic

    SOO glad you are back S. I’ve been missing my favorite sarcastic Scot. But, did you eat a Mars bar for me? I must know this.

  16. I am so hungry now. And very hungry for Indian food… I just finished watching a segment of Kitchen Nightmares where Gordon made-over the Curry Lounge in Nottingham …. yummm!

    Glad you’re home!

  17. Okay Elizabeth has a healthy food post, you have junk I have never tried but it sounds good. Now I am starving. Fudge doughnuts sounds awesome!

  18. I was a little hesitant until I had the legendary deep fried Mars bar in a Glasgow Fish & Chips place.
    As for the tastes of our past, it’s one thing when we find that our tastes have changed, but altogether criminal when ‘perfection’ is tampered with.
    As for healthy eating, I say too much of ANYTHING is not good for you. This goes for healthy eating.

    Everything in proper balance

  19. I really MISS Sausage Rolls badly, but then that’s why I now need Weightwatchers LOL!

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