My brother doesn’t have a wireless modem and we haven’t had as much time as I would have thought, so it’s been hard to get online.
Surprisingly after a five year absence, I haven’t experienced any culture shock, I have been fine and swung right back into life here in Scotland. If the truth be told, I realised quickly how much I had actually watered down my accent, but after just two days had gained it back.
If I’m honest, I worried that coming back to Scotland I would feel fat and out of place, but surprisingly, I’m one of the thinner ones now. So that’s made me feel better no end.
My Gran is up and down day-to-day. Some days I am preparing myself for the worst, and the next day I go in, she’s much better and able to talk more. It’s definitely an emotional rollercoaster and much harder to deal with than I had anticipated. I have been to see her seven times now, and I think I can say with conscience that I’ve said everything to her that I wanted to.
It has been difficult and yet a blessing at the same time to stay in her home with her at hospital. I have been looking through her photos and looking at her things that I remember from a child. But it’s heart-wrenching to walk past her calendars (she has five of them) and see it still on October of last year (she went into hospital on the 30th of that month). Time has stood still there and I feel almost guilty for carrying on with my life there.
Today I asked her how she was doing, and in true Gran style she told me “not so good”. She always kept that stiff upper lip, and she is a fighter, that’s for sure. Most would have given up, but she has worked against the odds so many times and is still with us to tell the tale.
It’s hard to know where things are from this point, but if we are here and she passes, we will most definitely extend our stay a week.