My brother doesn’t have a wireless modem and we haven’t had as much time as I would have thought, so it’s been hard to get online.
Surprisingly after a five year absence, I haven’t experienced any culture shock, I have been fine and swung right back into life here in Scotland. If the truth be told, I realised quickly how much I had actually watered down my accent, but after just two days had gained it back.
If I’m honest, I worried that coming back to Scotland I would feel fat and out of place, but surprisingly, I’m one of the thinner ones now. So that’s made me feel better no end.
My Gran is up and down day-to-day. Some days I am preparing myself for the worst, and the next day I go in, she’s much better and able to talk more. It’s definitely an emotional rollercoaster and much harder to deal with than I had anticipated. I have been to see her seven times now, and I think I can say with conscience that I’ve said everything to her that I wanted to.
It has been difficult and yet a blessing at the same time to stay in her home with her at hospital. I have been looking through her photos and looking at her things that I remember from a child. But it’s heart-wrenching to walk past her calendars (she has five of them) and see it still on October of last year (she went into hospital on the 30th of that month). Time has stood still there and I feel almost guilty for carrying on with my life there.
Today I asked her how she was doing, and in true Gran style she told me “not so good”. She always kept that stiff upper lip, and she is a fighter, that’s for sure. Most would have given up, but she has worked against the odds so many times and is still with us to tell the tale.
It’s hard to know where things are from this point, but if we are here and she passes, we will most definitely extend our stay a week.
a Brit different 
I feel for you, my grandmother passed at the end of the month. It is wonderful you got to go visit her, I know it must be bittersweet.
i’m really glad you’re getting to see her.
It is so good that you can be there – for you, for her. God bless.
How wonderful that you got to visit her and say all the things you wanted to say – and have her understand them! I remember when my father’s mother died I had no warning – just a phone call to say she had died. I went home for the funeral although the family insisted there was no need. I was able to see my mother’s mother in hospital – she died two days after I returned to the US. What a month!
It must be difficult to see her go through it. But what a blessing to be able to visit with her again. I’m so glad you’ve said what you needed to say.
Continued prayers for your gram!
I know it’s hard for you to see her, but I hope it helps you find a little closure. You keep your Scottish chin up, too. I’ll be praying for the whole situation. And, I hope you enjoy your trip a little bit.
I’m sure she happier that you are in her home than to have it sit empty.
I know this trip for you is hard, but believe me, she is happier because you came and in the years to follow, you will have no regrets and all good memories.
Such a bittersweet homecoming…. glad you got the opportunity to talk with your grandmother and visit with your family.
I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts. *big hugs*
*hugs* from this direction, too.
Take care.
you’ve given your gran a true gift by returning for a visit. i’ll keep you all in my prayers. hope you can do some just-for-fun stuff while you’re there.
Sorry I haven’t made it over since you moved to wordpress, I have beed a bit distant on blogging myself as of late. Thinking of revamping the whole dang thing. Anywho..
I am sorry to hear of your Grans passing, but how fortunate that you could have been there when she went. Knowing how infrequently you get to Scotland this trip was truelly well timed and a blessing. My prayers are with your family.