2. Do a normal load of wash (fine. OK, six maybe even seven loads).
After a short stint at Church, Ian runs off to get a drink of water and comes back with this doozey:
“Daddy, I need to poo. Uh-oh too late!”
I sat hunched over, my shoulders shaking in silent laughter as I heard him go up the aisle hand-in-hand with Daddy talking in 3-year-old loud:
“Daddy, there’s poo in my pants. Daddy, there’s poo in my pants. Daddy, there’s poo in my pants.”
Luckily there was some other vocal distraction and it was hard to make him out.
It didn’t end there. Goodbye, we’re not returning. I wasn’t laughing much now. Two words: stomach flu. Pants gone. Four words: Fleece blanket around legs.
I spent two fun-filled days chasing Ian and his devastation around whilst chained to the washing machine. He’s had this before — twice. The first time he was 18 months old and despite efforts to force liquids down his gullet, he ended up in the ER with severe dehydration after 11 long days of projectiles from both ends. It was a sad and scary time. Luckily it never got that bad. He was fine yesterday and back at pre-school (presumably to catch something else) today.
3. Hang up 3 week’s worth of laundered clothes and put anything else in drawers.
4. Hide clothes baskets to eliminate temptation for the rest of the stuff I need to wash.
5. Go give Bruce at the post office a right good gob smack.
Taking Cameron’s passport back to the Post Office was the easy part; having Bryan deal with the newest member of the Spanish Inquisition, Bruce? Nightmare.
Bryan was asked to write “Urgent Rewrite” on the outside of the envelope by the passport agency people a-go-go.
Bruce: “What did you do that for?” he projected with a venomous accusatory tone reminiscent of a Sith.
Bruce: Holding the certified mail label aloft “Why do you want certified mail?”
Bryan: “Because I need to know it got there.”
Bruce: “Do you want insurance, signature on delivery and delivery confirmation that has a tracking number?”
Bryan: “No, certified is fine.”
Bryan: “Do you have a Priority Mail envelope that doesn’t have a window in it? I don’t want people seeing what’s inside.”
Bryan: “Because my son’s birth certificate and passport are in there, I don’t need to have his identity stolen.”
Bruce: “Sir, the USPS doesn’t do that. We don’t steal peoples’ mail.”
After recounting the story to me, I responded, “No, they just shoot people.”
*Incidentally, he did finally get one without a window.
6. Buy a new toy for each for my boys for the plane(s) for a (hopefully) lengthy distraction.
7. Phone United Airlines and tell them how much they suck for not allowing the use of Baby B’Air on their flights.
8. Get my family pictures back from the photographers. OK, granted we got them taken 29th Dec and I just made up my mind which ones I wanted ye-s-t-e-r-d-a-y and it takes a few weeks to get them … shut your dirty mouth! Remember what I said about more than four choices and I go into melt down?
9. Find Cameron’s hair brush instead of using the lint brush, despite how effective it may be.
10. Think about buying a swimsuit. OK, I’ve thought about it.
11. Get back on the treadmill. I haven’t been on for five weeks, but despite that, I’ve lost SEVEN pounds already. I am officially a MEDIUM (size, that is) again. Don’t hate on me.
12. Buy a rain cover for the stroller. We’re going to Scotland after all.
13. Buy provisions for the trip, it’ll cost twice as much in Scotland. About 100 nappies (diapers), Graduates food, fruit cups, Gerber juice and fruit snacks/roll ups. Also buy some Crayola Colo[u]r Wonder Packs. Thanks for the tip, Mumof4!
And the one that didn’t make the list:
Get dental work finished. When I was there on Valentine’s Day having my gum line violated and separated from my teeth, words like possible, root, canal and crown were being flown around molesting my ear drums. I went in yesterday for an appointment cleverly disguised as an “exploratory exam” and had said root canal performed on tooth No. 20. It was actually pleasant, well, as pleasant as a dental appointment can be. He’s a very good dentist and I managed to make him laugh on a few occasions which just fuelled me to keep doing it. (I’m like that.)
It’s my own fault, I waited seventeen months to go see him. *leaning forward so you can smack my forehead*
I have to go back again for a temporary crown. *heaving dental bill (but with 90% coverage) sigh*