Thirteen Things That Tick Me Off About Montana

Not to be confused with last week’s post.

1. It’s bloody cold here in the winter. Friends pre-warned me of the Arctic temperatures that last for two weeks in January last year. I laughed. I’m not laughing now. I’m freezing my freakin’ she-nuts off.

2. Lack of Technology: Just as one example, Bryan walked into a print shop two days ago with a disc in-hand full of documents he wanted printed and spiral bound into fifteen booklets. They wanted/needed the paper copies. “Well, I have my laptop with me–” he offered. “I’ll print it off on mine”, the owner growled, snatching the disc. “He probably won’t charge you for the copies…” said the lady. He came out, 30 pages later (for one booklet) and said, “that’ll be $0.20 a copy.” “Fine.”

3. Mullets: Now, I’m no expert, but hair doesn’t grow that way naturally. I think there needs to be an amendment in the Constitution that bans them. There are five people in my congregation at church with a mullet. And. They’re. Women. One of them has a natural wave/perm too.

4. This one’s for Bryan. He calls them Horse Women. He knows one personally. They don’t have enough food to feed themselves and can barely make their mortgage payment, but they board, tend and take care of their horse–all for a hefty $1500/month price tag.

5. Commuting to Missoula. I’m totally used to it now, but sometimes it’s such a task. We have to pack provisions just to go shopping at the stores “in the big city”. We moved from a prime shopping area where Target, Michael’s, Toys R Us, Barnes & Noble, Old Navy, Pier 1 and restaurants galore graced our lives just a sweet 5-minute drive away. Now it’s all 45 miles from us.

6. That said, there are local stores, but if you stay, you pay. Usually. Sometimes they have amazing sales, but you can generally pay anywhere between $0.50-$1.50 more for any item. They encourage locals to shop local on adverts on t.v.–I will if I’m desperate. We bought frosting one time at Super 1, it expired 4 months previous. We have one Big Box store: K-Mart. Why does every K-Mart smell like an animal up and died in the premises? Sick. And other thing! You would think living in the midst of a meat and dairy euphoria that it would be reflected in the prices. No. I’d rather pump petrol and drink it, it’s cheaper than the milk here.

But I suppose that’s nothing compared to the housing market. Thankfully we made a 20% profit on our last out-of-state home. We paid almost $100,000 more here for a smaller home. Thanks to the influx of Californians (well, that’s who they’re blaming) over the past 5 years, the housing prices have shot through the roof. It’s pure nasty.

7. Road conditions. Thanks to the washboard Interstate road all the way to Missoula for my pre-natal doctor’s appointments, I enjoyed 50 minutes of contractions every trip, there and back. During nasty winter conditions, local roads and pavements (sidewalks) are covered in sand, not salt. It’s disgusting after the snow melts.

8. There was a time in Montana history not too long ago when you could drive any speed you cared to. Those days are well gone. I can’t help but wonder who posts the speed limit signs here. Obviously someone with a good sense of humour. The back country 2-lane – sometimes windy – highway speed is 65 mph. It changes to 35 mph with no warning and no gradual decline. What’s up with that?

9. I’d love to have a bike. I’d love to go rollerblading. I’d love to walk more places when the weather is nicer. I can’t, there’s a drastic shortage of pavements. That ticks me off.

10. You’re sick. Well, I mean hypothetically, not in the head. So you head to the local pharmacy in Albertson’s. “We don’t have that in stock, can you come back in 2 days?” No further comment.

11. I could have lumped this with No. 6, but quite frankly, this deserves a room all by itself. Okay, so I admit this should be something I am used to from the UK, but I’ve been here for eight years and I was converted pretty early on. I can’t stand it that businesses close and 5 and 5:30 p.m. Bryan gets off shift at 6 p.m. and sometimes needs things at the last minute. Tough luck, Jimmy. We’re closed.

12. Amenities, or lack there of. No zoo (it’s in Bozeman), museums, bowling alleys, kid-friendly pools, etc. We have an indoor pool 6 miles away, but they cater specifically for adults. I really don’t care to drive an hour just to entertain the kids. By the time we get there, they’ve been asleep for as long.

13. Environmentalists. I say conserve what we can, use the resources we have and recycle if possible when you can. They were against putting in a local Wal-Mart (not my fave, but I prefer the grocery prices) and had them do an environment impact study. They changed their minds because it would have set back everything another year. The thing that gets me is there are loads of log homes here (probably filled with environmentalists). Where’s the conservation there?


14 responses to “Thirteen Things That Tick Me Off About Montana

  1. Mullets, ouch.

    I went to college in Allentown, PA. I remember being in a diner there once and seeing a family of six, all with mullets. It disturbs me to this day.

  2. I’m enjoying your site. I haven’t yet made it out to Wyoming, but would love to see it, and your list hasn’t quite put me off… Ever read Green Grass Of Wyoming/My Friend Flicka (I think compulsary Brit girl pre-pubescent reading at one point)? Your point no.4 reminded me of it…

  3. We are planning a trip to Montana this summer. Can’t wait!! But then, we are coming back.

    I have a friend who keeps a mullet picture collection. It’s pretty funny to see her stop random strangers and ask to take their pictures.

    Found you through AFF.

  4. I have been to 47 of the 48 Continental States. The one missing is Montana. Are you trying to talk me out of visiting my last state? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. Mullets. Thus the reason I shave my head. And yes, there is a price to pay for living in ‘God’s Country’. On the other hand, methinks Montana is a better place with you in it.

  6. anglophilefootballfanatic

    I think you are brave. I would simply become the guy from The Shining were I to move there. Stark raving mad! Driving 45 minutes for stuff? Egads woman! I didn’t know they’d put the speed limits back in…hmm. There was an episode from South Park about a guy who was in a coma for five years. They moved him to Montana (Wyoming?) cause they are about 10 years behind in fashion…maybe explains the mullets.

  7. “Iโ€™m freezing my freakinโ€™ she-nuts off.”
    I about fell out of my chair reading that. Can you put up a warning of some sort before you publish something that’s potentially harmful to the reader? I mean, really! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Good read, this one!

    And I’d like to thank you for giving me the (soft) push I needed to use my blogspot page permanently. What a gal! I just put up the moving sign over at Spaces. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I can sign part one for over here with the heat in summer – yack ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Part two counts for here as well….try to find a print shop….

    What are mullets???

    I sign part 9 for over here as well.
    Walking? Sports? Outside? Mpf….

    Ouch on the Pharmacy part. That reminds me of Hungary….

    I’m glad to read that I’m not the only one that gets ticked off by certain things….. *smiles & ducks, because you might throw something at me*


  9. I understand you on so many of these things. For me the saddest thing it saying the warmest place I’ve ever called ‘home’ is Scotland. Who would think any place could be colder? Idaho is terribly cold. There’s no sign of global warming here.
    I don’t drive yet so I’ll need to get back to you on those issues later.
    I have been to Missoula a few times – we stop there to eat during roadtrips to and from Seattle…

    Where are you from? and do you know any Stronach’s?

  10. And Stay Out !!!!!

  11. Whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaaaa…This goes on the list of “Thirteen things that tick me off about people that move to Montana.” 1. If they are whining, they obviously didn’t do their homework 2. Complain about the weather…duh, it’s the Rockies… 3. Businesses close at 5:30 and I need something at six – poooor me. Plan better? Use your lunch hour? 4. Not enough to keep the kids busy…OMG find them parents that don’t need someone to show them how to keep kids busy – move to a city – stick them in front of a TV like your friends back home do 5. Have to drive 45 minutes to major store… Newsflash, people that live 45 mins. from a city like it like that; if you don’t move to the city. 6. Whiners…

  12. I don’t understand why you live here? I am Montana born, moved and came back! If you don’t like it, go some where else! The one thing I love about my home is that the change is slow! No we don;t have all the bells and whistles………..THAT is the point!!!!

  13. Hey Tanahi, let them keep whining, maybe a few more will stay away! Based on what she says she lives in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen and she’s crying…hopefully, her poor husband will get tired of it and take her back to her TV loving, I want it now lifestyle. Plastic surgeons aren’t as good as in the city either so she will want to know that soon too…hahahaha!

  14. I moved to Montana from Pendleton, Oregon to get away from the big city life. Ended up in Helena. People here don’t even know how to shoot a gun or use a chainsaw. You’d think your in the middle of New York City.

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